Babies

Last summer I was hired by the March of Dimes to organize their March for Babies event for our county. I had to begin Sept. 1. This was shortly after I learned that our attempt with IVF #2 for a second baby had failed and I was reeling. How was I going to work for a charity that sought to see every pregnancy to full term when I couldn't even get pregnant? I was actually envious of the women who I met b/c at least they had babies. I had trouble just getting out of the gate. The walk is this weekend. And I am now 9 weeks pregnant. I'm busy wrapping up all the final details for the walk, which includes assembling posters for families who have a connection to the cause. The families who had preemies who thrived, and those who lost their babies. It absolutely breaks my heart to see these photos of mom's holding tiny, precious babies, who never left the hospital. I can not hope and pray enough for a healthy pregnancy that ends with a seriously cute bundle. We have such a long way to go, and so much can wrong, and wrapping up the walk is just making that all the more clear to me, despite already knowing too many people who have had 1st trimester m/c. The journey of a thousand miles never actually ends.

Just a few zzzs please

It was so much easier with Caden. Wow... All I had to do was sit behind a desk for a few hours and then lay on the couch. This go-around, I have to chase a 2-year-old around, wrap-up some work (with a contract that is nearly over) and of course remember to fill the dog bowls at least once every three days. Occasionally my husband gets hungry for actual meals too, but thankfully he's good with a sandwich too. I get soooo tired. And when I lay down or take a nap, I could lay there all day. I don't have much in the way of an appetite either. It is touch and go until dinner time and then I tend to eat a normal meal. Most of the time I just want tomato juice. Damn I love that stuff! As a result I've lost a few pounds. I was told yesterday that I looked like I had lost a "ton of weight". I had no idea I'd gained a ton of weight!!! Meanwhile, in the past few weeks we celebrated Caden's 2nd birthday! He got a ton of toys despite our asking friends and family to not go overboard. He looked beyond adorable in his Saks 5th Avenue suit with shorts and suspenders, courtesy of Nana and Gramps. I've gotta get the pictures off the camera. It was too cute. He had his 2-year doctor appointment yesterday and he's doing wonderfully! The doctor was thrilled with this development and his language and motor skills. He can put three and four word sentences together and communicates beautifully. We were told that we shouldn't see too much of the terrible twos b/c he does communicate so well. Let's see if that's true. I saw a glimpse of that horror while returning something at Walmart earlier today. If the weather would warm up a bit, we could actually go outside. But it's been gloomy and rainy/sleety/snowy. Just miserable. Can't wait for spring!! I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of the 2nd trimester so I can breathe a little easier. It takes so much for us to just become pregnant, I'm not sure I could handle a loss. We are careful to whisper our dreams and try not to make too many big plans. Aside from family at the party, no one even knows peanut is with us. But he/she is and we are so happy and I just can't believe that there was a day when I didn't think one baby would grace our lives. And now we may be blessed with two. I am truly the richest person in the world. There is nothing more I need or want. I feel beyond blessed with all that is within these four walls.

Change of Plans

I'd be lying if I said this was a total surprise, because it is NOT!! It was always a possibility, we just chose to set it aside until further notice.

I'm pregnant. I'm almost 8 weeks pregnant! So adopting, for the moment, is on the back burner.

While I am beyond thrilled about being pregnant, I would be lying if I said part of me did not grieve just a little for not adopting. It was something that I was extremely excited about and looking forward. A daunting process, yes. But one that I was ready for.

Here's what happened. While we waited for our tax return to arrive to get the home study process started, we were told about a pharmaceutical company that was working with practices, including ours, to test a new drug, currently being used in Europe. If eligible for the study, the round of IVF was FREE.

There was no way we could turn this down. So on to IVF #3 which was a success.

I didn't mention this at all because over the summer we had a failed cycle and there was no way we could afford to do IVF again with the possibility of failiure. Adoption with guaranteed success was much more appealing.

And we didn't even get in the first time we tried. So there was the uncertainty of eligibility as well.

But it's over and behind us and now we are happily awaiting another baby. We saw peanut's heartbeat last week and I'll get to see it again tomorrow.

It's going to be a wonderful summer preparing the house and Caden for another baby.

We are beyond thrilled!

Show me the money!

Ok, we are back on track. Taxes were filed last night.

We won't have as much as I thought we would...we never do. But it will give us a VERY good start.

Also good news that we did not need to buy a new car. Both cars are running beautifully and better be for the next year at least! I am not a car person and will be happy to use this vehicle until the time comes that we need to upgrade for another carseat! But I think there is ample time for that.

Other potential news is pending...but pending news is no news, so I got nothing.

I'm grumpy and tired today and would love to use our tax refund for a much needed vacation. But clearly, we have other plans.

Minor Setback

Nothing like getting your sights set on something only to have a few obstacles tossed in the way.

We are getting ready to submit our application and begin getting things in order for our home study, which will total $2100. We were planning to use a portion of our tax return money to cover those expenses.

Until our cars needed inspection, and both failed. Ugh...

We had mine fixed first since it decided to not start when we were leaving the inspection garage. That came to somewhere around $800.

We picked mine up last Wed (I think) and I used it Thurs and Fri and then Sat. AM I tried to start it and nothing but wildly possessed electrical issues.

All the interior lights were flashing and all the buttons were clicking. Not good.

Then Shawn's truck started acting wonky and we realized we had one dead and one unreliable vehicle. We rented a car for a few days this week to cover Shawn's commute and borrowed one from a friend for the day to cover my duties.

This morning they towed mine from the driveway.

Unbelievable.

$800 for my car (so far)

$800 for Shawn's truck

$100 for a tow

$85 for a rental

This is just nuts. This is just a few hundred shy of the total we needed for the home study.

We are hoping that something positive comes our way soon, because on one income, facing adoption expenses, we can not be shelling out money (credit) like this.

A Perfect Weekend

This past weekend was so quietly blissful, I already miss it and it's just 8am on Monday.

Shawn has been home since Wed due to weather. We had about 7 inches of snow/ice Wed afternoon into Thurs. and our power went out at about 8:30 Wed. night...we missed American Idol and I heard it was a good one! :)

Thurs was our Pioneer Day: where we get by as our ancestors on the Plains did--sorta. The exception being we still had running water and our fireplace doesn't exactly heat the entire house. Shawn had fun hauling wood up to the deck and trying to clear off as much of the driveway as he could.

Neighbor's Car; Our Tree

It was fruitless though, since I wasn't smart enough to park my car in the street and it sat in the driveway until Sat. afternoon when Shawn had to push it out with me at the wheel!

The power came back on Thurs. night; almost 24 hours later, which is just about when my excitement of life with no power expires. I like to shower, I like to be clean, what can I say?

We went out to dinner to let the house warm up. There is a yummy Mandarin Buffet in town that has a modest display of sushi, but I'll take modest over none!

Friday, Shawn didn't really have to stay home, but he chose to since I had no vehicle, which lead us into a glorious weekend doing a whole lot of nothing.

We ran a few errands, I finished one book and started another, Shawn played video games, and when Caden was up, he got massive amounts of play time! It was great!

Wed. was declared Jammie Day

Here it is, Monday morning. We have a jam packed day of activities and I have work to do, and later today we'll be treated to another ice storm. Hope the power stays on!

Everything is Impossible

You can't have it all.

Things have been going so exceptionally well with planning for the adoption. Found the agency, found a home study place in our town, figured out some money issues. And then we thought to ask Shawn's company if they provide any financial benefits for adoption. An office I used to work for reimbursed 2K for adoption, which would nearly cover the cost of the home study, so we thought it was worth a shot.

In an attempt to be discreet, I called his HR department, this is how that call went:

Me: Hi, my husband works for your company and we would like to know if you offer benefits towards adoption.

HR: What's his name?

Me: Well, we'd like to keep this private at the time, so I'd rather not say.

HR: I can't disclose that information to someone who is not an employee.

What? It's a company HR benefit!! Those are usually "disclosed" during an interview or career fair.

Me: Oh, ok. I'll ask him to email you then. Can I assume you do offer some benefits then?

HR: I can't say that.

**hang up**

Later that day, Shawn emailed HR. Guess what the reply was?

No benefits. He qualifies for FMLA (unpaid leave).

GEE THANKS!!! So glad he told you something that we wished to keep private FOR NO REASON.

Like, I said, everything else is going very well. After our tax return and a commission payment for Shawn, we should have about 8K for this adoption. Which is oodles more than I thought we would have at this time.

It's a rough estimate as I'm not quite done with our taxes, but hopefully it's near to accurate. This would be about half of what we need.

And in the meantime, we've gotten a few snow storms that Caden has enjoyed somewhat. Not sure what he things of snow just yet. Or "snowman" which is what he thinks snow is called!

We won't be doing anything about the adoption until after we receive our tax return. But I will be cancelling our attendance at the county fostercare/adoption orientation. Turns out social services generally does not provide full reports to private agencies. Which means if we didn't go the fostercare route, we'd have to start all over with the private agency. Since we'd found an agency we like, it seems like a waste of about 6 weeks. This process is long enough, we don't need to add 6 weeks to it!