A Perfect Weekend

This past weekend was so quietly blissful, I already miss it and it's just 8am on Monday.

Shawn has been home since Wed due to weather. We had about 7 inches of snow/ice Wed afternoon into Thurs. and our power went out at about 8:30 Wed. night...we missed American Idol and I heard it was a good one! :)

Thurs was our Pioneer Day: where we get by as our ancestors on the Plains did--sorta. The exception being we still had running water and our fireplace doesn't exactly heat the entire house. Shawn had fun hauling wood up to the deck and trying to clear off as much of the driveway as he could.

Neighbor's Car; Our Tree

It was fruitless though, since I wasn't smart enough to park my car in the street and it sat in the driveway until Sat. afternoon when Shawn had to push it out with me at the wheel!

The power came back on Thurs. night; almost 24 hours later, which is just about when my excitement of life with no power expires. I like to shower, I like to be clean, what can I say?

We went out to dinner to let the house warm up. There is a yummy Mandarin Buffet in town that has a modest display of sushi, but I'll take modest over none!

Friday, Shawn didn't really have to stay home, but he chose to since I had no vehicle, which lead us into a glorious weekend doing a whole lot of nothing.

We ran a few errands, I finished one book and started another, Shawn played video games, and when Caden was up, he got massive amounts of play time! It was great!

Wed. was declared Jammie Day

Here it is, Monday morning. We have a jam packed day of activities and I have work to do, and later today we'll be treated to another ice storm. Hope the power stays on!

Everything is Impossible

You can't have it all.

Things have been going so exceptionally well with planning for the adoption. Found the agency, found a home study place in our town, figured out some money issues. And then we thought to ask Shawn's company if they provide any financial benefits for adoption. An office I used to work for reimbursed 2K for adoption, which would nearly cover the cost of the home study, so we thought it was worth a shot.

In an attempt to be discreet, I called his HR department, this is how that call went:

Me: Hi, my husband works for your company and we would like to know if you offer benefits towards adoption.

HR: What's his name?

Me: Well, we'd like to keep this private at the time, so I'd rather not say.

HR: I can't disclose that information to someone who is not an employee.

What? It's a company HR benefit!! Those are usually "disclosed" during an interview or career fair.

Me: Oh, ok. I'll ask him to email you then. Can I assume you do offer some benefits then?

HR: I can't say that.

**hang up**

Later that day, Shawn emailed HR. Guess what the reply was?

No benefits. He qualifies for FMLA (unpaid leave).

GEE THANKS!!! So glad he told you something that we wished to keep private FOR NO REASON.

Like, I said, everything else is going very well. After our tax return and a commission payment for Shawn, we should have about 8K for this adoption. Which is oodles more than I thought we would have at this time.

It's a rough estimate as I'm not quite done with our taxes, but hopefully it's near to accurate. This would be about half of what we need.

And in the meantime, we've gotten a few snow storms that Caden has enjoyed somewhat. Not sure what he things of snow just yet. Or "snowman" which is what he thinks snow is called!

We won't be doing anything about the adoption until after we receive our tax return. But I will be cancelling our attendance at the county fostercare/adoption orientation. Turns out social services generally does not provide full reports to private agencies. Which means if we didn't go the fostercare route, we'd have to start all over with the private agency. Since we'd found an agency we like, it seems like a waste of about 6 weeks. This process is long enough, we don't need to add 6 weeks to it!

Find Angency. Check!

Holy moly!!! I am so beyond excited to announce that I think we may have found an agency. For the past several months (and on and off for years) I have perused agency websites. Not really having any idea what I was looking for. Last week, I stumbled upon one (whose name I won't mention until we are firmly in the system) and I just love it! Why? This is why:

• Fees are based on income
• Fees are reasonable
• They help people regardless of sexual orientation, race, religion, age, marital status.
• They treat birthmothers with respect
• They offer lifetime counseling services to the birthmother
• They offer counseling services 2x each month (I think) for the adoptive parents until the child is 18
• Their average wait is 12 months (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and is generally between 6 and 18 months

I knew the right agency would just speak to me once I found it and this one certainly has. Their website is informative and turns a complicated process into something I can understand. Now that's saying something!!

Since they are not licensed in VA, we need a third party to do the home study and I contacted an agency in my town about that on Friday. I also asked my mom if she would be interested in flying with us to wherever the baby is when she/he is born...and she got all choked up. Which was cute to hear.

It looks like we will cancel the social services orientation and course because as it turns out, they do not release the full report to private agencies, so we'd need to do another home study anyway.

As soon as Shawn has some time to look over the material and assuming he likes this agency too. I think we'll register for a weekend orientation and then get rolling with the home study, which takes 6-8 weeks. Hopefully during that time, we can complete whatever else needs to be done and then we'll just wait. If we can get the paperwork submitted by mid-March, then maybe we'll be celebrating two birthdays next March.

I can hardly stand my excitement. It's almost too much.

An Ordinary Day

There isn't much I would change about our life except maybe the length of my husband's commute. Otherwise, our life fits me like a glove. Here's a glimpse of a typical day:

7:15am: Alarm Goes off. Shawn walks the dogs, I feed the cats. He gets ready for work, I sit at the computer and work for a few hours

9:00am: Caden begins to stir. I zip into the shower and then collect him.

9:30-1:00: Caden has breakfast. We play around the house. I do a few work-related tasks. We go to some morning activity about 3 days a week and then he has lunch.

1:00-2:00: Naptime. (Sometimes.) During this time, I either work, clean, or nap myself (not often!!) And it's not always an hour. Lately it's only been about 20 minutes!

2:00-6:00: More play time!! Occasional afternoon activity. I may tutor a French student some days and Caden has a neighborhood girl watch him.

6:00-7:00: Time to make dinner and for Caden, this means emptying the kitchen cabinets.

7:00: Shawn gets home, we eat dinner.

7:45-8:30: Playtime in the basement with daddy!!

8:30-10:30: Alone time for Shawn and I

10:30: I head upstairs to read, Shawn plays video games. (Alone time for each of us)

That's pretty much it! I try to do errands during the week so our weekends can be used for family activities. And that's worked out well so far.

I love looking at this timeline...there is so much playtime for Caden. During his playtime, he often occupies himself, climbs all over one of the dogs, or we'll sit and read. He loves to look through books and people aren't kidding when they kids are sponges. I can't get over what he retains. Last night he started saying "dinosaur" although it sounded much more like "dine-do-door". Too unbelievably cute.

Every parent does what's best for them and their child. Not everyone can stay home and I understand and respect that. I feel so blessed to be able to stay home with Caden. He has a large vocabulary, one-on-one attention throughout the day, social interaction with other kids several times a week, and occasional visits to daycare when I have a meeting.

I know this was the right decision for us. Even if it meant fewer vacations, fewer new clothes, and not as many toys and gadgets for a few years. Those things I can always have at some point in my life. Getting my two-year-old back when he's in college will be a tough thing to accomplish.

(I may actually have an adoption update later today as well. We may have found an agency!!)

Meet Our Son

In 2009 we were incredibly blessed with the birth of our son, Caden. It was a long road to parenthood for us. Six months after we married in 2005, we decided to start a family; however, we had no idea how hard that would be for us. Three years and many infertility treatments later Shawn was staining a shed in our driveway the 4th of July weekend when I brought him the home pregnancy test I had just taken that read positive.

This pregnancy was the result of in vitro fertilization. We were lucky that we had success the first time.

After he was born we hoped that the path had been paved and more children would follow when we were ready for them.

Wrong again.

Two years later we have had one failed IUI and one failed IVF. This is not something we want to continue putting ourselves, or my body, through.

We know that adoption is the right road for us to expand our family.

Caden is an absolute joy. He is sweet and loving and simply adorable. He hugs and kisses and loves the fur off our pets. (Well, the dogs anyway, the cats don't stick around long enough for him to get a hold of them.)

He loves planes, cars, and balls. He points at the moon when we go outside at night. He loves emptying the kitchen cabinets and getting the dogs to chase him around the house. When the weather is nice, he loves his sandbox and doing anything outside. He is beginning to play with other children. He loves babies and often carries a photo himself around. He loves apples, bananas, hot dogs, chocolate, milk, and pork. He's a wonderful sleeper, but seems to be giving up his naps. He loves the bath. He pats my back when I hold him and he's upset. He covers his eyes we speak sharply to him. His favorite color is green. He dances to the Apple iPad commercial and loves to clap along with the audience during any reality show. He loves to watch Caillou.

He's perfect. There isn't a thing we would change about this baby.

A Place Called Home

In 2004, Shawn and I bought our current home. We love this home. We're not sure it's our forever home, but sometimes I'm convinced I could live here forever.

Our house is tucked away on a cul-de-sac in a heavily wooded area. We have a nice-sized yard surrounded by woods. On a regular basis there are deer, fox, hawks, and I even saw a bald eagle a few weeks ago.

The house itself is a very standard colonial home: center hallway, four rooms downstairs, four bedrooms. When we bought the house, it was a complete blank canvas. Everything was white! Since then, we have painted nearly every room, added bamboo floors, new windows, given the kitchen a makeover, finished the basement, added ceiling fans, replaced the front door and done a fair amount of work outside. Our wish list for this house is not yet complete, but it's getting there. We have both enjoyed putting our fingerprints on this home over the years.

Our forever house is easy to describe. We want very much to buy a 200-yr-old farmhouse on at least 10 acres and restore or renovate it. That's the dream house...actually it's more than that, it's the plan. We'll get there, but it may take a few more decades.

In the meantime, we treat this house well and it treats us well.

After living here for almost 7 years, we've built a nice network of local friends. In 2009 I joined a local mom's group and am currently serving on their Board of Directors as their Membership Vice President. I enjoy this group of women tremendously and am so happy to have found such a large group of women who share my values. We are not women out trying to be the Joneses: hiding mounting debt with the facade of having it all. We live within our means and sacrifice in order to be home with our children. We plan activities for our children to give them social interaction until they are of school age.

Shawn and I have no interest in keeping up with other people. We do what we want to do when we want to do it and because we want to do it, not because someone tells us to do it. Did any of that make sense?

My point can be illustrated as follows: We don't have TiVo or iPhones or an iPad. We don't go on vacation if the cash isn't in hand. We save money for our son's future. I buy consignment clothes. We own our cars. We both have college and/or master's degrees but no student loans. I feel we are more responsible than perhaps 70% of the people we know. This might be an obnoxious thing to say, but I sincerely cannot understand why people would place possessions ahead of quality time with their family or savings plan for their child's education. This is a mystery to me.

But don't get me wrong...we like toys. Shawn recently got a PS3 for Christmas and I received a Nook. What can I say? Some things just call to us. And each year we hope to spend two weeks at the beach. And I will confess to this, I love to travel. As soon as we are able financially and our son is of an age where he will remember, we plan to take him to Europe: France, Ireland, Spain, Italy...you name it, I want our family to go.

Well...that was a little more than just information about our house, but I want this blog to be an inside glimpse of who we are. Like I said, I'm going to be transparent...and since this process will move about 10 times slower than a snail's pace, I need something to chat about.

Dear Birth Mother

I know very little about adoption other than it's wicked expensive and can take an eternity. There is one other thing I know...I need to write a letter to the birth mother.

Dear Birth Mother.....(crickets, silence, crinkling of paper as I scrap this and start over)

How does one write this letter? A LETTER introducing yourself to the woman who is potentially carrying your child? A letter...just a letter. Where does one begin? I've been drafting and rewriting this letter for years. I have a Master's degree in writing that is useless when it comes to pouring out my heart onto a piece of paper.

I suppose part one would begin with Thanks.

Thank you for reading this. Thank you for not flipping past my letter and on to the next one. Thank you for looking through this book at all. Thank you for not calling the clinic and having your "situation taken care of". Thank you for giving the life growing within you a chance, an opportunity, an actual life. The mere fact you're reading these words speaks volumes about who you are and the dreams that you have not only for yourself, but for your baby.

Which would bring me to the second part of the letter: Don't Worry.

It isn't easy to reassure someone about such a monumental decision. Don't worry...I forget to feed my dogs occasionally, but I won't forget to feed the baby! (as I automatically look to my right at the dogs' bowls...yup, full.) But in all seriousness, I need to convey to the birthmother that her baby will be in good hands. That after having my son and going back to work, I spent all day, every day for two months looking for opportunities from home. And that after finding those full time opportunities, I sought part time ones because I couldn't deprive my son of my full attention. That I would gladly give up any number of things to care for my own child. Now, after two years, I'm a PT worker and a FT mom. He goes to daycare for a few hours each week and even that isn't a year-round.

I believe adoption is a Win-Win-Win situation. (There is a reference to The Office here).

The birthmother, who I assume has come to the conclusion that it isn't the ideal time in her life to raise a baby, is given an opportunity to finish school or focus on other things.

The adoptive family is given an incomparable gift. A gift of such greatness there aren't words to describe how stupendous it is. Being robbed of the opportunity to create life themselves, they are given that opportunity by a stranger.

The baby is given a home in which he/she can thrive. Develop into a toddler, a child, a teenager, and finally an adult. Where needs will be met and wants fulfilled. Where growth and development are fostered and encouraged.

Adoption let's us all win.

The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with One Step

This is written on a photo hanging in our son's room. It's such a perfect saying and I love it so much. It can apply to any journey which you set out for, knowing that the first step will be followed by so many others before you arrive at your destination.

I barely know how to begin this blog and have to admit that I'm throwing everything out there, being completely transparent, accessible, naked, in the hopes that someone stumbles upon this blog and it resonates with them. Or in the very least, I attract a few readers who can provide me with information. I believe in the power of the internet. I believe in the collective knowledge of people who lurk.

With this humble introduction, I'll get to the point of things. We're launching ourselves into the adoption process. There I said it. I've said it to a few people already, announced it to my mom's group, told my own mother, but it hasn't been my status on FB yet, so it isn't quite public.

I feel like I could say that I plan to go to the moon and it would have the same affect. I am no closer to the moon and not a thing around me has changed. When you say you are pregnant, things change. You gain weight, get a little (then a lot) thicker in the middle, and after a predetermined length of time, you have a baby.

When you say you are going to adopt, nothing changes. Perhaps my Google History would reflect this admission, but that's about it. Any way weight I've gained is from stress and anxiety, not a fetus. And in 40ish weeks, I am fairly confident there will not be a baby. At the end of 4 years, I'm still cautiously optimistic.

But here, with this post, this blog, I hope to share with ill-prepared women who we are. What we're like, what adoptive parents can look like. And dare I hope, dare I even utter the words? Can I dream that one mother-to-be will read these words and reconsider abortion? Dare I aim so high? I'm not sure. But if nothing else, I can capture what will likely be the craziest adventure of my life that hopefully ends with a little bundle of pink or blue...or both.