What am I doing here?

I'm losing my mind and somewhat terrified.

Lately I have the absolute inability to remember things. Not only can I not remember things, I can't remember to make lists to help me remember.

Driving home the other day, I was looking at the trees thinking what a pretty fall it was. FALL!!! It was January!! I can't remember what day it is, what I should be doing, what groceries we need, what work-related tasks I have to accomplish. I can't remember anything.

The terrified part comes in when I think I've left Adele somewhere. This has happened a number of times...we're driving along and I have a complete panic attack trying to remember if I put her in the car. I only reassure myself when I see the carseat (or her in it) in the back of the car.

I believe this is caused by sleep-deprivation. For three months I've slept in 2.5 hour increments...with the occasional blessed 4 hours, and horrific 45 minutes. Add to this the fact I can NOT get over being sick, and you have a rapidly aging, mom of two.

Adele is my baby doll. I love her to pieces and cherish every morning where she is sleeping on my arm nestled in the bed next to me. And this is EVERY morning b/c I give up around 5am and bring her into the bed where I spend 2 hours 1/2 sleeping, 1/2 holding a paci in her mouth.

We don't really know what to do about this.

We've tried my pumping at night and adding 1 tbls to the milk in an attempt to stuff her. That bought us about 20 minutes. Last night she slept in her carseat b/c she's all congested (mommy likes to share) and she coughs when she's laying down. That didn't buy us squat.

Shawn has started to give her the last bottle in the evening, so I can sleep a bit more. This is sorta working.

I can't nap during the day (usually) because I get all wired and then have trouble sleeping...what the hell is that irony? I'm flipping exhausted but can't sleep b/c I'm so exhausted. Seriously!??!

I'm open to suggestions.