The Awakening

In the Fall of 1999, I married my first husband. A nice enough guy who I met my senior year of college. He liked me. I was surprised by that. As time went on, he seemed to like me enough to marry me. And so we did.

And he moved me to Virginia. The single greatest thing that ever happened to me. It saved my life.

In that move, I learned who I was. I was removed from brain-washing manipulation, the likes of which you really only hear about. All ties were cut. I was free. Free to learn who I was, and most importantly, who I was NOT.

It became clear to me that the life I had signed up for, was not for me. I was miserable. And it wasn't so much my husband's fault as it was my fault for not knowing more about myself when I married him.

So, in a painful, yet necessary decision. I left.

The following year was hell. I was overwhelming depressed and broken.

That was the year of my awakening. I spent a solid year beating myself up and going over and over and over in my head what could possibly be wrong with me.

Here it is a decade later and I finally know.

There is NOTHING wrong with me. There is, however, an enormous amount wrong with other people. People so badly broken, they are shattered. People who have no grip on reality. Who live in a fictitious world made up of convenient truths.

I am eternally grateful for the miles between me and those people. I am eternally grateful to myself for staying in VA after my divorce. I am grateful for my current husband, who truly loves me and each of my many flaws. I now know unconditional love.

And I am grateful that I learned all this while my children are still young. So they will NEVER be exposed to the World of Fiction in which I was raised.

They will know the real world. Where the sky is blue.

Dreams Fulfilled

I attended a women's forum today and it was such an inspiring event. The forum aimed to empower women and help us realize our dreams.

As I sat through the sessions which encouraged women to step outside of their comfort zone toward more fearful activities; to visualize dreams in an effort to realize them; and to never give up on those dreams, I found myself realizing that so many of dreams have become my reality.

The path to parenthood took us longer than anticipated and through detours we hadn't ever considered. In the end, we have two incredible children who are the light in our every day. Since having Caden I have become heavily involved in a local mother's group having served on the board twice. And most recently, I have been invited to take over as Editor for a local parenting magazine.

What an honor!

I obtained my masters in Professional Writing and Editing in 2006 with no clear plan about what to do with it. I thought it would be a helpful degree to have if and when I ever had a family, since I started this degree in 2000, before even meeting Shawn.

This woman, who one day sat on the floor crying wondering if she would ever have a family, now has two beautiful children and a flourishing career working on a parenting magazine none-the-less. The determination to have a family has fulfilled so much.

Realized dreams are all around me. In my amazing husband who makes so much possible, in the two small children who make my heart sing, in the fulfilling work I am eager to take on.

While it's hard to not look past the present to see what the future may hold, it's important to pause and appreciate all that is today. Because when I stop and take the time to look around, I see that it's all I've ever really wanted.