That Day

Not every day can be filled with glorious, "I love being a mother" moments. Some days, such as this one, suck. They suck with epic proportions and send me Googling for summer-long sleep away camps suitable for a 3-year-old.

Some days (also this one) make it extremely obvious that I'm a shitty mother who is "faking it until she makes" only I'm "faking it until failure" at which I think I've arrived.

My usually sweet, mild tempered, smart little boy has been a complete Devil today. A playdate with his declared "Best Friend" including hitting, shoving, toy stealing, and food stealing. The playdate ended with Caden being dragged down the street by me promising to put him in Time Out. Which I did.

He screamed and cried until I told him he could get up, and then continued to scream and cry until I carried him, which I could not because I was feeding Adele and getting her ready for a nap. Needless to say the screaming and crying lasted nearly an eternity.

With Adele safely sleeping, I tried to explain to Caden why he was in Time Out and why his behaviour was wrong. He then handed me some jell-o and a hammer and said "Good luck!"

Not really, but he might as well have. When I ask questions such as "Will you hit your friends again" and he answers "Yes" it is clear he Does.Not.Understand.

After making him a PBJ sandwich, because the Hellion was hungry, I went upstairs to do something. All the while I'm listening to him cry, "I don't want water, I don't want water..." over and over again. Moments later I hear a thud.

Water.All.Over.The.Floor.

I asked him what happened, he said he knocked it on the floor because he didn't want it.

I promptly presented him with a towel, a few stern words, and highly recommended he start cleaning. He (and I'm totally not kidding) threw the towel on the floor, said "humpf", folded his arms, and turned away.

Come Again?

Caden Dragging Part II ensued as I brought him up to his room.

After a phone call to Shawn and several more days of crying (ok...not days but it sure felt like that) I went back up there.

He is currently watching Madagascar on the couch, despite my taking his TV away. (he told me he wanted a movie, not TV).

Clearly, I'm a shitty mother.

But, how does one discipline their kid when the kid clearly has no friggin' clue that they have done something wrong or what that something may have been.

I don't want to be the mom who is abused by her kid.

I just want my 2 year old back. He was so sweet.

Happy Mother's Day

Dear Caden and Adele,

Thank you for letting me celebrate another mother's day; my first as a mother of two. This weekend was amazing. Spending Saturday at a winery, with friends, watching Caden climb all over a pile of dirt while daddy held Adele was relaxing and beyond enjoyable.

Sunday going to soccer, which you don't enjoy yet, and then Airlie Conference Center for Mother's day brunch followed by a walk around the grounds and planting some flowers in this year's garden. Caden, watching you strip naked and run through the sprinkler was priceless and I apologize ahead of time for encouraging daddy to film it. We HAD to. :)

Adele, you are such a doll, I am beside myself with affection for you. You smile and laugh at everything. You absolutely adore Caden and positively light up when you see him. You began to crawl a few days ago and nothing gets in your way. I hope you carry that determination with you throughout life.

I love you both with such an amazing amount of love, it's difficult to convey through mere words. The words just aren't strong enough. My heart simply expands when I think of the two of you. One of my greatest fears is that before I know it, I will be an old lady looking at back on our life...having more days behind me than ahead.

This is such a precious time in my life. A time I dreamt of without knowing how to dream it because unless you have children, it's nearly impossible to define the feelings.

I am so grateful to the two of you. I am so happy of the fact that you have made me a mother. I am extremely proud and honored at the privilege of being able to raise you both into self-confident, kind, caring, happy people. I want nothing more for you than to have the joy you have brought to me.

I love you both with every fiber in my body. Every cell that makes me move, breathe, eat, and live does so for you. Every action I make, throughout everyday is to ensure you are both safe, well-cared for, happy, and loved.

I love you both endlessly.

Love always, forever and ever, and one more day,

Momma